where other inspiring figures have been
now a rat, one that shows up all over
is even cooked, though not eaten
he retains lazy, oily, persistent presence
go where you are loved, many places
you are not loved where there is money,
status, title, official, Knowledge as cannon,
just waiting and watching for that one big error
or making a small error into a packrat mountain
who has been the rat, now my companion
for healing something unknown, now knowable
you are not allowed to go here or there
contrivance of confinement for one who needs it
to know when to stay home, or go to shore
to check the next bend and take pause, alone.
the rat is never just who you think it is,
the rat is everywhere, another teacher, receive it
who might need to spend time with shame,
to be sent on a path, who are others to define
what healing is and is not and how dignity sits
community memory is long like shadows,
what am I carrying in the current for others
did they enjoy that targeting to cast out
one who is as unknown now as unwanted
as a rat in a place of competitive contacts
where sincerity, vulnerability. show confusion
the wound was already there, casting blame
to someone carrying forth with curiosity
fluidity, some places are not meant for me
saved from ever thinking of a stability dream
security will be in the protection of home
which only just started to be my safe place
pursuits outside can be halted for simple time
those who have given me songs, must remain
at the centre, at the front, heard against shouts
the people who shout, were they shouted at
no ill will, but caution’s good sense
to scratch away at history, depth hidden
what I will keep, knowing nothing is ever mine
meetings to plot my undoing, as I lay awake
planning healing, a symmetry so I can teach
both sides when there is no side, but an aside
cast out, castaway, sitting broken waiting
stillness healing, movement just further breaks
a shattering of knowing where an invitation
is really for me, not as worthy, of those I see,
write formal agreements, you don’t know me
what have I walked and just taken, not refusing
to put love where I’ve helped shape it, received
bring it to those who need it, where can I leave it
it is being handled, and held as they say
strangers, messengers, there were two, instead
of one rat, will they arrive and multiply,
or if I listen to one, will it leave me to be
I painted the sleeping hunter’s face, then mine,
fulfilling responsibility, with honesty, witnessing
disgust not stopping me, soundtrack set forever
an origin of receiving spirit driven, returning.
when there isn’t enough you include and share
some day a story that started with grief
it is now ending, building a new timeline
not for me, not there, no place, no where
but a heart strengthening to fragmented truths.
thank you figment, thank you rat in reflection
I place you here so you don’t need to run around
I’ll place some dried autumn flowers for you
before snow stories arrive, new figure, new name